I am a Shubharthi,. When I'm confused, I am distressed beyond control. In one corner of my mind, I know that the best way to deal with confusion is to hold faith that the confusion will clear given a little time. Count ten, relax. Instead, I tend to be afraid, angry, then more angry. I cannot control my muscles; I stutter; get more confused. That is what I mean by losing control. Fortunately for me, I remember a beautiful line:'Maintaining my inner peace is my supreme goal'. I have vowed time and again that my peace of mind is far too valuable to me than the present situation. Fear and anger will only increase headache and will pull me away from peace.

I learnt the knack of controlling my feelings at the shubharthis' meetings. Yes, we shubharthis meet once a week. Only shubharthis! Many of them are now good friends of mine. We talk quite freely, now that we have shared our experiences and help each other. This type of self-help is better and also pleasurable than being spoonfed by the professionals.

I am always thankful to Dr.Low for giving us shubharthis some very useful tools. Look at some of these: * Feelings are not facts * Fear feeds the symptoms and the symptoms feed the fear * Thoughts can be rejected, suppressed or dropped *Take the total view *Be group minded

I was watching a TV show. Suddenly I felt that the announcer recognized me. He was trying to explain to me (and me only) that his insecticide really kills flies. Soon the ad changed but I was perplexed. How did the announcer recognize me?

Reason told me (not very impressively) that this is impossible. I know this much science that a TV screen is not a camera and the announcer cannot 'see' me. But that is what I actually felt. Thereafter, I could not remain still. I called everybody around and asked to them whether they experienced such a thing. People looked at me queerly. Some started arguing. Mostly they disbelieved me. I was confused. I could not argue but I had to stand up to them. My ego! It made me angry. I started shouting. Suddenly all over there was quiet, except in my mind.

I experince nowadays some symptoms like a buzz in my mind which even if I press palms to my ears does not stop. I know I am totally confused. I know that there is no help, except from myself. I also know that I must allow calmness to prevail.

I keep faith in Dr.Low, when I have no faith in myself. Dr.Low must be right. What I just now saw on TV is not a fact, or at least may not be a fact. Say, a vision? Shall we say 'maybe'! If so, feelings are not facts is the tool that comes to my rescue. I keep quiet and the matter is dropped. Everybody is dispersed. I had already counted ten, now I counted them again. I had peace of my mind back; it was a victory for me over myself!

But I am gaining confidence. I have lots of tools and I'm sure can get them out at the right time. I now feel I can recover myself sufficiently and this thought gives me back my self-esteem.